Toilet Humor
February 2nd, 2012

Toilet Humor

So here’s my theory on Star Trek poop (and it will give you something to think about the next time you poop, which you will):

I have seen it discussed that crew members can either transport the waste material out of their bowels or use a proper bathroom facility (that has been beaten to death in funnier comics). Now the real question is: where does all the space poop go? Do they dump it in space casually splattering half the galaxy in brown paint? Drop it off at the nearest lower class planetary sanitation station where it is worshiped as mana from the sky gods?

No, they break it down into the base molecules and recycle it on board… back into food.

This is why dinner conversations in the ten forward mess hall are filled with social awkwardness, punctuated by episode after episode of ridiculous and extravagant concoctions being asked of the magical food replicator — This is merely a coping mechanism to take their minds off the fact that they are eating reconstituted shit.

Even Captain Jean Luc Picard (firm in his discipline of only ever ordering “tea, Earl Grey, hot” himself from the infernal machines) was often prone to realizing he was drinking number one’s number two. And he would often grimace in the horrendous reality of the forced fecal sustenance as his flying toilet seat silently slid through the universe.

As they say: garbage in, garbage out.

UPDATE AFTER MANY BIOMASS RECLAMATION CYCLES: I found the original Star Trek poop joke inspiration for my commentary, so I will begrudgingly link to a competing comic site (the most hated thing on earth is competition) only to point out how stupid things are in the comments.

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